Do opposites really attract? New research says not much
New research studying millions of couples shows that most partners are more similar than different
For many years, people have believed the idea that “opposites attract.” We often hear that a quiet person falls in love with someone loud, or that someone who saves money marries someone who spends freely. While this sounds romantic, new scientific research shows that this belief is mostly a myth.
A large study published in the journal Nature Human Behaviour examined more than 130 traits across millions of couples over the last 100 years. The findings were surprising. In 82% to 89% of the traits studied, partners were similar to each other, not opposite. Only in around 3% of the traits were couples found to be mostly different.
The study used a meta-analysis, which means the researchers combined results from almost 200 earlier studies from around the world. They also used data from the UK Biobank, studying nearly 80,000 couples and analysing 133 traits. These traits included political views, religious beliefs, education levels, intelligence, lifestyle habits like drinking and smoking, and physical traits such as height and weight. Even traits like whether someone was breastfed or if they played computer games were included.
There are a few reasons why couples become similar. People usually meet others within the same social circles, colleges, workplaces, and neighbourhoods. There is also a psychological effect called the similarity-attraction effect, which means we feel more safe and understood around people who think like us. Over time, couples grow even more alike through shared routines and environments.
The idea that “opposites attract” may sound beautiful, but science shows that long-lasting relationships are usually built on similarity, shared values, and common life goals.
